Good Mom vs. Good Mom

I don't know quite how to explain this.  Sometimes the things we do to be a good mom keep us from being a good mom.  Craig is supposed to get the flu shot every year now.  His needle phobia makes this a huge ordeal.  Last year, along with the flu shot and the H1N1 shot, he also got the pneumonia vaccine (good for 5 years) and the meningitis vaccine.  He also had a diabetes screen and gave a vial of blood for research purposes.  This past Fall I couldn't put him through the flu shot.  I decided to take a year off, hope that he didn't get the flu and hope that he'd worked through his needle fears before next Fall came and we had to face it again.  I failed.  Craig got in the car when I picked him up at school and said, "I don't feel very well.  My eyes hurt."  "Do you think it's allergies," I asked?  "No, my head hurts here (he pointed to the center of his forehead), and my eyes feel like something is pushing on them.  My sinuses feel fine, but when I take a deep breath, I have a dry cough and it hurts."  Groan.  "Sounds like the flu," says I.  "Are you feverish?"  "I don't know," Craig relied, "I was warm all day, but I kept my coat (hoodie sweatshirt) on all day with the sleeves rolled down."  Usually he is hot inside the school and is often standing at the curb in short sleeves when I pick him up.  This was not sounding good.  When we got home I popped a thermometer in his mouth.  He had a low fever.  He dragged himself upstairs to do homework and said something about trying to go to seminary tomorrow so he could see how he feels for school.  It seems unlikely to me that he will go anywhere tomorrow.  He's really bummed.  The priests (he is half the quorum) are in charge of the combined activity tomorrow night.  They are doing a mystery dinner.  He and the other priest planned it a couple of weeks ago and he's been looking forward to it ever since.  As he said to me, "We're making dinner for everyone tomorrow night.  I can't really do that if I'm sick."  No, he can't.  It's too bad that the good, compassionate mom won out over the good, sensible mom.  If she hadn't, maybe he wouldn't have the flu.  I hope it's a mild case and he doesn't suffer too much.  I hope if he does suffer much that he'll complain annoyingly (something he never does) so I will be justly punished for my tender-hearted foolishness.  The one good thing about this is he sat down on the sofa next to me this evening and asked me to play a game on my laptop.  He chose a game for me, then put his head on my shoulder and watched.  There are days when I want to pull my little boy onto my lap and cuddle with him, but he's a big boy now and he doesn't fit.  This is as close as it gets.